MM | Chapter 64

Father and Son

They walked together towards the west gate. Zhao Xi was heading to Xi Le, while Sheng Wang and Jiang Tian were going to Wutongwai.

When it was the three of them, conversation flowed naturally. But as soon as Zhao Xi left, leaving Sheng Wang and Jiang Tian side by side, the atmosphere suddenly turned silent.

In the early evening, the west school gate was bustling. Honking was prohibited within the school grounds, so only the clinking of items on the mobile snack stalls could be heard. The sky was dim, and the scattered lights hadn’t yet formed a continuous line.

Sheng Wang’s mind was filled with the scene from when they left the classroom. He didn’t know what to say. Jiang Tian was naturally quiet, making it hard to tell if he was lost in thought or just didn’t feel like talking.

But at this moment, the silence felt too heavy.

For a fleeting moment, Sheng Wang had a vague thought. It seemed like he knew why Jiang Tian was silent, yet he didn’t.

They say a young man’s thoughts are the hardest to grasp. His brother was a master at it, and he wasn’t far behind.

An old lady at the alley entrance was walking her grandson, bending down to mimic the child’s words. Sheng Wang stepped aside to make way, accidentally bumping into Jiang Tian’s chest, who steadied him.

Jiang Tian’s hands were large but not thick. Sheng Wang could feel the slender fingers pressing on his shoulder before they withdrew.

He adjusted the strap of his shoulder bag and only resumed walking after the old lady passed. Maybe it was the bump, but he suddenly wanted to say something to break the awkward tension. Yet before he could speak, Jiang Tian said, “I overheard a bit outside the classroom just now.”

The topic came up so suddenly that Sheng Wang was momentarily stunned.

Jiang Tian looked at the narrow alley ahead, then turned his gaze to Sheng Wang, seemingly unintentionally, “Do you have a girl you like?”

“No,” Sheng Wang blurted out almost instinctively.

Perhaps he answered too quickly, as Jiang Tian was also taken aback.

Seizing the opportunity, Sheng Wang said, “I was just chatting with Xi-ge. He asked casually, and I answered casually, no other meaning.”

He thought for a moment and added, “I don’t like any girl. There are only a few people in our class.”

Jiang Tian looked at him for a while before nodding, as if he had only asked casually.

With the explanation out, Sheng Wang’s heart gradually settled. He was just relieved when, turning the last corner of the alley, he heard voices not far away. A sudden question flashed through his mind—

Why did Jiang Tian ask that?

As the thought crossed his mind, he glanced at Jiang Tian, only to see his face looking inexplicably unpleasant, as if filled with disgust and irritation.

The last time he saw him like this was because of Ji Huanyu.

Instinctively, Sheng Wang looked ahead and, sure enough, saw a man emerging from Old Man Ding’s courtyard. The man was still impeccably dressed, but his expression was filled with embarrassment.

Old Man Ding’s rough voice came from inside, “Look at yourself. Aren’t you concerned about your image? Dragging these things up again and again, don’t you feel ashamed? Do you even hear yourself? Oh, you say no and it’s no, you say yes and it’s yes? Everyone revolves around you? Xiao Tian is a person! You’re simply a disgrace! Don’t come looking for me or Xiao Tian. Neither of us acknowledges you. Get as far away as you can!”

This was the first time Sheng Wang saw the old man truly angry, not just playfully scaring someone. Though not as strong as in his youth, the old man still had strength from his military days. He unceremoniously shoved the man out the door, causing Ji Huanyu to stagger back a few steps.

The old man leaned out to close the door but paused when he saw the people in the alley. He gestured for Sheng Wang and Jiang Tian to leave quickly, not to get involved.

However, Ji Huanyu had already seen them. Losing face in front of the younger generation, his expression was a mix of embarrassment and anger.

He adjusted his clothes, straightened up, and walked towards Jiang Tian.

“You! Don’t go telling him things nobody wants to hear! If they wanted to listen, they would’ve already. Is it necessary now?” Old Man Ding tried to pull him back.

Ji Huanyu restrained his temper and pushed the old man back into the courtyard, closing the door behind him. “I said I just want to talk to him. Can you go inside and rest? This is between me and Xiao Tian, it doesn’t concern anyone else.”

The old man cursed inside, while Ji Huanyu latched the door from outside. He said to Jiang Tian, “I didn’t lock it, just latched it. You can open it after we’re done talking.”

Sheng Wang suddenly admired him for maintaining such composure in this situation. Though his irritation was evident, he remained calm for now.

Such a person, twenty years younger, would have been quite noticeable in school. Sheng Wang recalled Old Man Ding saying Jiang Ou met him in high school, stayed together, and naturally married after graduating college. It made sense that Jiang Ou would have liked someone like him back then.

He and Jiang Tian were father and son. In those old photos, they looked somewhat alike. But standing before them now, Sheng Wang felt they were different.

He couldn’t pinpoint the difference, but it was stark.

“Let’s find a place,” Ji Huanyu checked his phone for the time and said, “Isn’t there a spot around the corner—”

“Right here,” Jiang Tian interrupted impatiently, “Say what you have to say here.”

Ji Huanyu sighed, put down his phone, and said, “Alright.”

He glanced around. The alley was secluded enough, more private than any restaurant or café.

A secret place in broad daylight.

“Alright. Then—” He nodded, then looked at Sheng Wang.

Jiang Tian sneered coldly.

He found Ji Huanyu amusing, always acting like he needed privacy for their talks. Wasn’t it contradictory?

His face was so blatantly mocking that Ji Huanyu faltered, unable to continue. The calm facade he maintained finally cracked.

He took two steps towards Jiang Tian, then stopped, unable to resist saying, “Xiao Tian, it’s been so many years. Your mom has found someone suitable now. I heard she’s doing well, much better than with me. Why do you keep holding onto that?”

Jiang Tian averted his gaze, as if even looking at him was annoying, “Do you have the right to mention my mom?”

“No.” Ji Huanyu admitted quickly, lowering his eyes, silent for a long time, perhaps lost in memories. After a while, he said, “I don’t have the right to mention her, so I haven’t seen her since—”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Jiang Tian moved slightly.

Ji Huanyu quickly said, “I haven’t looked for her. I’ve avoided her since returning. But Xiao Tian, it’s really been a long time. Yes, I was a mess back then, nothing went right. The gap between my dreams and reality was too big. I was a bit… deranged. Your mom and I had been separated for a long time. You were too young to know, but at the time, it was really…”

He hesitated, unsure if he was justifying himself or afraid of provoking Jiang Tian. After a pause, he continued, “There wasn’t much feeling left. To be honest, Xiao Ou… your mom was already looking into divorce agreements early on. I had the same thought, but I always felt we could wait, that we could still be together. After all, we knew each other since high school, been together for so long.”

He looked at Jiang Tian, “You might think I’m a scumbag from start to finish. I know why you don’t want your mom to know, afraid she’ll feel her years were wasted. Right?”

Jiang Tian didn’t refute.

He gave a vague, bitter smile, “Whether you believe it or not, at least when I was with her, I really liked her. I didn’t think of anything else, but life isn’t just about love. There were too many worries. We fought a lot back then. In short, everything was a mess. I was a bit down. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt that way, when the pressure is too much, you get crazy ideas, like wanting to do something outrageous. So…”

So you brought an unrelated man to mess around in that old house room?

Jiang Tian often found some people ridiculous. They couldn’t even bear to mention their own actions, always avoiding third parties or stopping abruptly. As if not saying it would make it forgotten, as if others’ feelings and memories didn’t matter.

Ji Huanyu always emphasized, “You were young then.”

Yes, he was very young, so young that many things were just disjointed fragments in his memory. Like recalling that day, he only remembered the room filled with smoke, stinging his eyes shut. Cigarette butts littered the floor, some burnt, some with glowing tips. Ji Huanyu was entangled with another man in the smoke.

He was already sick that day, dizzy, maybe feverish. The scenes felt unreal, like graffiti or a bad movie’s exaggerated limbs.

He might have said something, startling the entangled pair, causing chaos. He seemed to be pushed away, or maybe someone bumped into him, and he fell, possibly onto a lit cigarette, feeling a burning pain on his neck.

In the beginning, he often had nightmares like that. Not terrifying, but waking up required half a glass of water to suppress the nausea.

Over time, the images blurred year by year, leaving only the smoke and nausea.

Zhao Xi often said he was mature for his age, maybe so. Like knowing young that Ji Huanyu was extremely concerned with appearances, liked to maintain a facade.

People said Jiang Ou and Ji Huanyu were equally neglectful, but he knew who was helpless and who was inherently so.

He received limited care, so he counted the emotional kind too, fiercely protecting Jiang Ou. When he was taken away, Jiang Ou held him, crying for a long time, saying she seemed to always make mistakes, saying she felt useless.

Because of him, Jiang Ou negated years of her life. He didn’t want her to negate decades more because of Ji Huanyu. So he kept it hidden.

As long as he hid it, Ji Huanyu would never speak of it.

So over time, while he loathed, he also suppressed that loathing in front of Jiang Ou, gradually losing the urge to explode.

A sealed jar rusts over time.

For a long time, he rejected overly intimate contact, knowing rationally it was too much, but such instincts were hard to correct.

Fortunately, there were Zhao Xi and Lin Beiting.

From those older friends, he saw something different, forcing himself to calm down and adapt. Until one day, he could finally separate Ji Huanyu from everyone else, and himself from those things.

As those friends said, not all intimacy signifies a relationship. No need to be overly cautious, or it backfires.

It made sense. He had Zhao Xi, Lin Beiting, Gao Tianyang… many friends, near and far, none of whom sparked absurd thoughts.

He wasn’t like Ji Huanyu.

…

The sky grew darker, their outlines less distinct.

Ji Huanyu explained for a long time, finally growing anxious. He felt he hadn’t said anything wrong, yet couldn’t sway Jiang Tian. He couldn’t help but recall Old Man Ding’s words—once he was shut out, now it’s your turn.

He hadn’t done much, yet felt exhausted, slowly falling silent. No matter how agitated, calm, anxious, or guilty he was, Jiang Tian remained cold.

Sheng Wang watched Ji Huanyu, and amidst the words, he finally grasped the situation. He recalled Zhao Xi’s words, Jiang Tian’s so-called “shadow.” Though Ji Huanyu hadn’t mentioned specifics, he guessed.

He couldn’t help but look at Jiang Tian, suddenly feeling that Jiang Tian’s disgust and irritation floated above, not like a participant, but an observer.

It was as if, over many years, he forcibly extracted himself from the chaotic past, standing as an outsider. Today, he delivered a message for his younger self who had stayed everywhere.

He told Ji Huanyu, “I find you disgusting.”

There were no bright streetlights around, but Sheng Wang could see the man’s face turn pale, truly pierced by the words.

He stood still, bombarded by Old Man Ding’s curses, Jiang Tian’s cold gaze… all the pressure and emotions surged. He felt the impulse to do or say something.

Sheng Wang saw him move slightly and instinctively stepped in front of Jiang Tian, as if fearing he might do something. But the man’s gaze swept over them, and he said something to Jiang Tian.

Ji Huanyu said, “Xiao Tian, you know? Some things are hereditary.”