KN | Chapter 24

He Has Not Been Unkind to Himself

Just that one sentence extinguished more than half of the blazing fire in Zhuo Zhixuan’s heart, yet the discomfort still lingered.

In the more than ten years they had known each other, Chen Wan had never seen his friend this angry. After a moment’s thought, he raised a hand and pressed it onto Zhuo Zhixuan’s shoulder, applying a bit of force. Not heavy, but what he said next weighed on Zhuo Zhixuan like a mountain.

Chen Wan looked at him and said, “Do you know who held power at Xiaolan Mountain sixteen years ago?”

Zhuo Zhixuan’s pupils trembled. He stared straight at Chen Wan, lips parting.

“You—”

“Yes.” Chen Wan met his gaze and admitted it calmly. “This is the closest I can get.” Even if it might not succeed.

Part of the reason he did not want to use Zhuo Zhixuan or Tan Youming’s connections for this business was that it might ultimately lead to having to ask Shen Zongnian or Zhao Shengge for help. More importantly, he did not intend to let Luo Qiansheng off.

Zhuo Zhixuan looked at Chen Wan, unable to say a word.

So he had never forgotten. Not for a single day. Perhaps not even for a single minute, or a single second.

There was a kind of frenzied, dark hatred flowing in Chen Wan’s blood. It was merely restrained by his morals and character. Zhuo Zhixuan had known this from the moment he met him.

Chen Wan was someone who could, without changing expression, stomp a senior who bullied him until their bones fractured.

At nine, he pierced Liao Quan’s palm straight through with a pair of scissors.

At twelve, he set a fire on Xiaolan Mountain.

At thirteen, when helping him and Zhuo Shengyan in fights, he never held back. Fourteen years later, Zhuo Shengyan still detours whenever he sees him.

At fifteen, at a banquet, he coldly watched as the main wife of the Chen family’s eldest branch suffered a stroke and collapsed alone in the garden. Chen Wan did not make a sound. If she had been discovered even a little later, she would have died without rescue.

People are complicated, one side devil, one side Buddha. Zhuo Zhixuan did not know what it was that, like a rope, temporarily bound Chen Wan’s darkness, indifference, and even his tendency to push past moral limits, allowing him to wear a refined and gentle exterior and live like a proper human.

At times, it even seemed like overcorrection. Chen Wan had something of a self-sacrificing personality, though only toward friends and family.

But as Zhuo Zhixuan grew older, the more something felt off. That was why Monica later came to Chen Wan’s side.

After a stretch of silence, “Even so,” Zhuo Zhixuan’s throat tightened as he irritably lit a cigarette, “even so, with something this big, you can’t just handle it alone without a word. Have you thought about the consequences?”

But in truth, both of them understood clearly. For a project, they could go to Tan Youming. But once it involved bringing down an official, the nature of the matter was entirely different.

Among great families, interests were deeply entangled. Something like this was no small matter for Tan Youming or Shen Zongnian. Without extremely deep ties, no one would go that far.

Chen Wan would never put Zhuo Zhixuan in such a dangerous position or expose him to that kind of risk. Asking Tan Youming or Shen Zongnian for help would push them into an unjust dilemma, leaving them with a problem that was difficult whether they helped or refused.

Chen Wan could not do such a thing. This was his own rotten debt. If he could settle it, he would wipe it out with his own hands. If not, he would not drag unrelated people into it.

Most importantly, Chen Wan would never allow anyone to know about what happened at Xiaolan Mountain, especially Zhao Shengge.

Fortunately, there had later been a homicide case at Xiaolan Mountain, which brought in regulatory investigation. The deeper they dug, the more extensive the web of interests became. The dirty accounts from sixteen years ago had long since been sealed under confidentiality. With time burying them, even now, retrieving them would be nearly impossible.

Thus, Chen Wan’s past was sealed away as well, granting him a temporary sense of ease.

Cigarette butts littered the ground. Neither of them spoke again. The silence was almost tangible. Zhuo Zhixuan no longer knew what he should say to Chen Wan, or what else there was left to say.

Once Chen Wan decided on something, no one could change it or interfere.

Not Zhao Shengge, much less Zhuo Zhixuan.

Only after the cigarette in his hand burned out did Zhuo Zhixuan swallow and say, weary and helpless, “Ah Wan, can you be a little kinder to yourself?”

This was the only thing he had managed to think of after a long time. The only thing he wanted to say to Chen Wan. It could not even be called a demand. At most, it was a request.

Of the thousands of words he could have said, only this one remained. Can you be a little kinder to yourself?

“Forget about Luo Qiansheng,” he had neither the right nor the position to comment on that. Without experiencing another’s suffering, one should not urge them toward kindness. Zhuo Zhixuan crushed out his cigarette. “But in business from now on, don’t use yourself as collateral.”

“If this deal doesn’t work, there’s the next one, and the one after that. Do you have to take every single one? Can you even finish them all? Can your body take it? Look at yourself right now, you’re neither human nor ghost. I really don’t know if one day you’ll just—”

Chen Wan pressed his lips together and said, “Ah Xuan, I haven’t treated myself badly.”

But reality was like this.

Setting aside Luo Qiansheng’s matter, he would still choose the same path.

Haishi was a prosperous city, gold scattered everywhere, opportunities at every turn. But it devoured people whole without even spitting out their bones.

Beneath the gold lay pale, buried skeletons. Competition was brutal, countless striving forward, hundreds of currents surging. If one truly followed rules and kept to propriety, where would any business be left?

It had not been easy for Chen Wan to climb to where he was now. It was truly not easy.

The tides of commerce rose and fell, the situation ever unpredictable. In this ruthless harbor where the strong devour the weak and only the fittest survive, the grid-like offices along Andrew Avenue were forever lit.

The CBD park on Tidu Street never closed, and every month someone jumped from the rooftop of the more than one hundred seventy-story financial tower after going bankrupt. The slightest slackening, and one would be eliminated, discarded, buried, all within moments.

Not even a name would remain.

So many tycoons worth billions had collapsed in a single day, like a mountain crumbling. That was why Chen Wan never dared to relax, always calculating carefully, handling everything personally, staying on guard, afraid that a single lapse would see him swept into the currents of the business world.

Among countless contenders, he had to stand at the crest of the tide. He did not need to be too close to that person, but being able to look from afar, like gazing at the sun, was already enough.

Zhuo Zhixuan came from a different background and had different experiences. He could not understand or accept Chen Wan’s choices. Chen Wan did not force him, did not mind, and did not wish to explain further.

None of this prevented them from being true friends.

The more he remained in this world of wealth and vanity, the more Chen Wan understood how rare Zhuo Zhixuan was.

“You haven’t treated yourself badly?” Zhuo Zhixuan said with a trace of sarcasm. “Then why did Monica say you haven’t gone to get your medication for half a month?”

“Yes.” Chen Wan rubbed his temples. “I’ve already apologized to Monica. I made an appointment for this weekend and asked her to rearrange her schedule. I’ve also set a reminder this time. I’ll definitely go to the follow-up on time.”

Zhuo Zhixuan’s anger surged again. “Why are you always thinking about whether you’re inconveniencing others? What matters is your own health, not some doctor’s schedule. Do you actually take this seriously?”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“What do you possibly know?” Zhuo Zhixuan no longer believed him. “Send me the new appointment time. I’ll personally escort you there.”

The follow-up was scheduled for Sunday. Zhuo Zhixuan and Monica had a close senior-junior relationship. Monica told him that the test results were not optimistic and hoped Zhuo Zhixuan could persuade Chen Wan to reduce his workload and psychological stress, and pay more attention to his habits and mental health.

Zhuo Zhixuan said, “That will be difficult.”

Monica said helplessly, “Then at least get him to do the most basic thing, take his medication on time.”

Zhuo Zhixuan sighed. “I’ll talk to him.”

On the way back, Zhuo Zhixuan drove and brought up Tan Youming’s invitation to attend a dinner with the Ship King, asking if he had time. If he was too tired and wanted to rest, Zhuo Zhixuan would decline on his behalf.

Although if Chen Wan still did not show up, that group of young masters might very well come knocking on Zhuo Zhixuan’s door to demand he hand him over.

Chen Wan laughed, saying he was exaggerating.

Zhuo Zhixuan clicked his tongue. “You’ll see for yourself whether I’m exaggerating.”

Chen Wan seemed to have been born knowing how to love others, yet had never considered the possibility of being loved himself.

What Zhuo Zhixuan did not know was that someone who had never truly been loved would not even have that concept.

Chen Wan only smiled and said nothing. With the project settled, he had finally pulled himself out of endless overtime.

After thinking for a moment, he still asked, “Will he go?”

Zhuo Zhixuan said, “Why do you care whether he goes or not? If you want to go, then go. If you don’t, then don’t.”

Chen Wan had only asked casually. “I’ll go.” For Tan Youming’s sake, he had to.

Chen Wan had received very little kindness in his life. Whoever gave him even a little, he would repay it many times over.