When I was pushed down onto the carpet, I still didn’t take it seriously.

Even after my clothes had been stripped away and the cool air touched my skin, I still hadn’t realized what was really about to happen.

God.

Han Che’s eyes were bloodshot as he stared straight at me. Holding a condom between his teeth, he tore the wrapper open. Even through my drunken haze, my heartbeat skipped a couple of beats. I laughed.

“You even had condoms ready.”

“I told you before. You should always have these on hand.”

I was usually quick-witted and good with words, able to improvise my way through anything.

But the moment he entered me, I lost the ability to speak.

Do you know how soft-hearted women can be? Before it started, I’d actually been worried for him. What if he really can’t do it? How am I supposed to comfort him?

Yet I ended up crying from the pain while he moved with relentless intensity, as if completely consumed by desire.

I felt him hesitate for a moment.

But the next second he thrust forward again, jaw clenched, as though he had hardened his heart and forced himself not to listen. He buried his face in the hollow of my neck, refusing to look at the pain twisting across my face.

Only when he bit gently at my ear and murmured,

“Hang in there, Lin Wen. It’ll stop hurting soon.”

Had I finally understood.

This bastard had lied to me again.

When he tried to kiss me, I refused. I kept pushing him away, hitting him. In the end, it all ended with tears.

I buried my face in the blanket.

And then the bastard actually asked me:

“Does it hurt?”

If I stabbed you in the stomach with a knife and then asked whether it hurt, what would your answer be?

That conversation remained entirely inside my head.

In reality, I bit my lip and said nothing.

I was so angry I couldn’t even joke anymore.

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

The physical exertion sped up the alcohol leaving my system. After a while, my thoughts finally became clear enough to process what had happened.

A drunken hookup.

A lie tested firsthand.

The truth was finally exposed.

Outside, the rain suddenly grew heavier.

Buried under the blanket, I listened to it pounding against the night. It sounded as though someone had placed a plastic bucket over my head and was drumming on it with raindrops.

Only when cool air brushed across my back did I realize why the rain sounded so clear.

He had opened the window.

Fair enough. After all that, the room was full of the lingering scent of sex.

I hooked the blanket with my foot and dragged it over myself.

The next second, the blanket settled more evenly across me, warm and careful.

I let out a heavy sigh.

That bastard.

“Do you want some water?”

I stayed silent.

This lie had run through the entire six-plus months we’d known each other. To have it exposed like this, in this situation, left me completely dazed.

And that daze manifested as anger.

Why would he tell a lie like that?

Just for fun? To get away with all those borderline flirtations and enjoy the thrill?

Unable to hold it in, I finally asked:

“Why did you lie to me?”

“What if I told you I didn’t?”

I immediately threw off the blanket and glared at him.

“Fine. Let’s say you didn’t lie. Then come up with another explanation that actually makes sense.”

He froze.

Slowly turning around, he eventually opened a drawer and tossed a box onto the bed.

“This is called Viagra.”

“Viagra?”

“You know what it is?”

“Han Che, I looked it up later.”

My fingers dug into the box.

This bastard had even prepared a follow-up explanation in case the lie was exposed.

I was too angry for strategy anymore.

“If you still want to lie to me, I’ll pretend to believe you. But if you really consider me a friend, tell me the truth.”

Backlit by the dim light, he lowered his head and remained silent.

For Han Che, that was practically the same as surrendering.

A sudden wave of emotion hit me.

My lips trembled.

“Han Che... I want to cry.”

With obvious regret, he pulled me into his arms.

His voice was so low it seemed to come straight from his chest.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was your first time.”

I froze.

Blinking, I looked around at the shifting reflections on the white wall and listened to the continuing rain.

Had I really looked that miserable?

“I…”

Without another word, Han Che carried me to a chair and began changing the sheets.

Only then did I notice the dark stains on the bedding.

Looking down, I saw traces of blood smeared across my thighs as well.

And suddenly I understood.

So that earlier experience hadn’t actually counted?

Back in my freshman year of college, one of my ex-boyfriends had been gentle, handsome, and sweet. We’d finally tried taking that step together.

But we’d both been clueless.

Whenever I said it hurt, he stopped.

After two failed attempts, there had been some bleeding, but I’d been in so much pain that I eventually broke up with him under the vague excuse that we weren’t compatible.

I’d never liked the idea of “working through” problems.

Later, after spending time on Douban, I learned more about relationships and realized these things required exploration from both people.

So I’d started learning on my own.

Because of the things I posted online, people assumed I was experienced.

I had even started believing it.

My knowledge gave me confidence, making me forget that, in reality, I was still half a blank sheet of paper.

Staring blankly ahead, I asked Han Che’s back in a pitiful voice:

“Do you regret it?”

“What?”

“Does it matter whether it’s someone’s first time?”

I was genuinely curious.

“I would have been gentler.”

For once, he looked depressed, like a child who had done something wrong.

I kicked him hard.

“Stop lying! I was telling you it hurt, and you heard me! But you completely lost control!”

The desire in his eyes during those moments had been overwhelming.

There had been things there I couldn’t understand.

And I was furious.

I’d been in so much pain, and he still hadn’t stopped.

My old boyfriend had at least stopped.

“I'm sorry, Lin Wen. I was selfish.”

Frowning deeply, he hugged me tightly and buried his face in my neck.

His chest rose and fell with heavy sighs.

It was the first time I’d ever seen Han Che look so vulnerable.

But if he was weak right now, I had to stay strong.

Otherwise, once he recovered, I’d probably end up being led around by the nose again.

“Why did you lie about having ED?”

I forced him to meet my eyes.

He seemed genuinely shaken by the revelation that I was still a virgin.

His voice was unusually quiet.

“Because it was fun.”

I wanted to hit him.

The answer wasn’t surprising.

The clues had been there all along.

It was just finally out in the open.

“What was so fun about it?”

“I told you I had ED, and you believed me. Then all those other times—you kept believing me.”

He laughed bitterly, pinching my cheek.

“Do you know how entertaining you are?”

I couldn’t even be bothered correcting him anymore.

“I’m not entertaining. I’m funny.”

Whatever.

“Did you ever think I’d find out?”

“Of course.”

He smiled.

Gentle and cruel at the same time.

“I was always going to sleep with you eventually.”

“Then why buy Viagra?”

“Because you’re so entertaining. I wanted to see whether I could keep fooling you.”

“Then why stop lying now?”

He cupped my face and rubbed my cheeks affectionately.

“Because I couldn’t bear it anymore.”

Yeah, right.

“You seemed perfectly willing while you were doing that to me!”

I gritted my teeth.

Though I hated admitting it, those words “couldn’t bear it” had struck a nerve.

“I'm sorry.”

He kissed my forehead.

“Lin Wen, you’re my first.”

First?

I jolted upright.

“Holy crap! A player like you has a virginity complex?”

“No! That’s not what I mean!”

He hurriedly explained.

“I just always had one regret. With my ex, we only got halfway.”

I paused.

Not mentioning that I’d only gotten halfway myself, I simply asked:

“Why only halfway?”

“She said it hurt.”

“And you couldn’t bear to continue?”

He fell silent.

I slapped him.

With all the wounded drama I could muster, I complained:

“But you could bear it with me!”

The words sounded ridiculously melodramatic.

Yet at that moment, they perfectly matched how I felt.

Han Che clenched his jaw painfully.

“That’s why I regret it!”

When he reached out to comfort me, I slapped his hand away.

“Scumbag.”

He smiled bitterly.

“I am.”

Han Che admitted there had been many times when he’d wanted to sleep with me.

I looked clever, he said, but was actually sweet and naïve.

I constantly amused him.

He enjoyed both the physical attraction and the pleasure of teasing me, so he kept playing with me.

He even admitted that the reason he’d gotten me into his apartment in the first place was because he wanted to sleep with me.

I was simply naïve enough to believe his nonsense.

When we watched 500 Days of Summer, he had already taken a condom out of his wallet when he kissed me.

But seeing me close my eyes and respond so earnestly made him realize how much fun it was just kissing and teasing me.

So he put it away again.

That was why he’d later needed to buy condoms at the 7-Eleven.

He told me he’d had two serious relationships.

One ended in high school.

The second lasted from senior year of high school until his sophomore year of college before collapsing under long-distance strain.

By sheer coincidence, neither relationship had ever become sexual.

Covering his face, he laughed at himself.

“I’ve never had sex because of love.”

The friendship moments I treasured so much… were, in reality, simply rewards Han Che had given me while playing his game.

When he confessed everything, I felt surprisingly calm.

But after spending an entire day lying at home afterward, the anger finally hit me in the chest.

Painfully.

Han Che said he liked me.

That he was happy with me.

I argued that if you truly liked someone, you couldn’t calmly watch them date other people.

I was applying my own logic.

To me, liking someone meant wanting them for yourself.

He was certain I wouldn’t sleep with Zhang Duo.

Or any of the men from the bar.

So he baited me like a fish.

Hook me.

Let me go.

Hook me again.

Let me go again.

Watching me happily sink deeper into the game while remaining grateful for all his guidance, for all the bait he’d given me, for the entire ocean he’d offered me.

My worldview felt like it had been hit by an earthquake.

For a moment after opening the curtains, everything looked warped.

On my computer, a TV drama reached a pivotal scene.

The screen went dark.

Reflected there was a bewildered face.

At twenty-two years old, I suddenly felt as though I had aged ten years.

The hurt Zhang Duo caused now seemed insignificant.

Han Che was the one truly capable of leaving me chilled to the bone.

I opened WeChat.

Zhang Duo had sent a string of messages the previous night, all unanswered.

For some reason, I suddenly wanted to take revenge on the world.

To drag another scumbag down with me.

We arranged to meet at Swindlers'.

I put on makeup designed to look natural, making my skin appear fresh and flawless. I muted my lip color with foundation and added a drop of eye drops before going in, making my eyes look watery and emotional.

The moment I saw him, I threw myself into his arms and burst into tears.

At first I admired my own acting.

But eventually there was too much genuine grievance mixed in.

I had intended to look delicately heartbroken.

Instead I ended up crying so hard my face turned red.

“What happened?”

Zhang Duo kept asking anxiously.

Tang Tang was there too and immediately recognized me.

She clearly hadn’t expected things between Zhang Duo and me to progress so quickly.

I’d once asked Han Che what Tang Tang’s relationship with Zhang Duo was.

Could it be like ours?

Han Che had mysteriously replied that our relationship was unique.

As for them, they were probably just like-minded people in finance looking for fun together.

I kept crying.

By the time I stopped, I no longer knew how to explain myself.

I didn’t have the skill to invent a lie this big.

So I simply buried my face in Zhang Duo’s chest and kept crying.

Eventually the tears stopped.

My attention shifted elsewhere.

I touched his chest.

When he saw me calming down, he flexed his pecs.

Wiping my tears away, I complimented him:

“Pretty big.”

He laughed and pulled me closer.

Naturally, with a beautiful woman in his arms, he doubled down on being a gentleman.

“What happened? Why did you delete me? Why are you crying like this?”

Tang Tang tried comforting me too.

As Zhang Duo leaned closer, I subtly turned my face so his lips brushed my cheek.

Hidden beneath his suit jacket, my hand wandered where nobody could see.

Teasing him.

Warming him up.

Meanwhile, I quietly said:

“I didn’t think I deserved you anymore.”

I kept drinking.

Glass after glass.

After saying that, I refused to elaborate further.

But he could probably guess enough.

The fish that never quite took the bait had likely been caught by someone else first.

At least, that was what he probably thought.

Halfway through a bottle of whiskey, I looked so miserable that even the glass seemed too small.

I raised the bottle directly to my lips.

I didn’t actually swallow.

But the gesture looked heartbreakingly desperate.

Zhang Duo’s face darkened as if he’d just been cheated on.

Finally, after draining his drink and slamming down the glass, he growled:

“Who was it?”

I had no intention of pursuing anything with a man like him.

Which meant I could manipulate him without guilt.

Isn’t that right, Han Che?

I felt myself changing.

Rotting in ways invisible to the eye.

Like a ripe yellow peach.

Someone had removed the innocent pit, sliced it into the shape adults preferred, added citric acid, and sealed it in a jar.

It still tasted like peach.

But now there was something calculated about it.

Possessiveness was ridiculous.

As though there were rules about who got to pursue whom first.

Sometimes men were a joke.

Yet after a few drinks, they became strangely boyish again.

Impulsive.

Hot-blooded.

Easy to provoke.

Without even lifting my head, I pointed toward a booth on the upper floor.

“My ‘cousin.’”

Tang Tang immediately gasped.

“Oh my God! That pervert? He was staring at my chest the other day!”

“Holy crap! What a bastard!”

I was about to explain that he wasn’t actually my cousin—that I’d only made that up before because I liked Zhang Duo and didn’t know how to explain my relationship with another man.

But I never got the chance.

Before I could even touch his sleeve, Zhang Duo rolled up his sleeves and charged upstairs like an arrow released from a bow.

My immediate reaction was:

Run.

I sprinted toward the exit.

As I reached the door, a huge commotion erupted inside the bar.

People began rushing toward the same spot.

My heart pounded.

I flagged down a taxi.

“Driver! Go! To the residential complex next door!”

The taxi cut through the neon-lit chaos of M City.

I dove under my blankets and buried my head there for a long time before I finally calmed down.

I was terrified.

Would Han Che die?

Or would Zhang Duo die?

What if they were drunk and things got out of hand?

I pulled out my phone and started searching whether instigating a fight could get someone into trouble.

I read article after article and understood none of it.

Then, at one in the morning, Han Che called.

Clutching the edge of my blanket, I watched the screen light up.

I thought:

Well... if he's calling, he's probably not dead.