“I don’t... hate it.”

That answer was sincere. Only, unfamiliarity he could not explain and a little fear were thinly laid over that sincerity.

‘What is this.’

Young asked himself. Every time Jian spoke to him, his heart beat a little faster, and just sitting across from him made his breathing a little shallower. It was not frightening, but it was not comfortable either.

A feeling like he was about to be handed some responsibility, but not knowing what that responsibility was. For a ten-year-old child, this feeling had no name. So it was frustrating.

“Let’s get along from now on.”

Jian suddenly said that and smiled. Instead of answering, Young ran his fingertips along the rim of the teacup. The cup’s round shape felt strangely stable.

“...Yes.”

Only after a little while did he barely say that. Only after saying that one word did Young feel as if he had just granted some permission. Whether that felt good or bad, Young at the time could not sort it out to the end.

After that, Jian really did come every Wednesday, once a week. During the first few weeks, Young had trouble sleeping the night before Wednesday. Without reason, he would read poems more carefully in Korean class, pay attention to pronunciation when reading English sentences, and by the time the last class ended, his mind would grow emptier and emptier.

‘What should I ask today. What should we talk about. Will he remember the story we were talking about last time.’

Neither the questions nor the things he wanted to talk about were organized. Even so, Young kept thinking about it.

“Young master, these days on Wednesdays, your expression seems a bit... busy.”

The wet nurse had said that one day.

“What does it mean for an expression to be busy?”

When Young asked back, the wet nurse smiled for a moment.

“How should I put it... It looks like your mind is running ahead.”

The expression ‘the mind is running ahead’ was a little difficult for Young. But it did not seem bad to make such a face.

Now, Young’s steps as he walked down the corridor toward the entrance were no different from then. Today was Wednesday too. The homeschooling schedule was the same as usual, and the pencil on top of the workbook, the nick in the corner of the desk, and the garden outside the window had hardly changed at all.

Even so, the feeling of ‘it should be about now’ again tapped beneath Young’s chest. The main building grew briefly noisy, then quieted. And footsteps approaching the annex.

Young let out a very small breath and opened the front door. As the door was pushed from the inside outward, the late afternoon air first seeped in through the narrow gap. Slightly cold, and the smell of earth from far away followed it in.

Jian was standing in front of the door. He was backlit by the sunlight, so his face was a little dark, but even so, Young felt that face was clear. The eyes came first. Eyes deeper than the way Young remembered them before, and a little more grown-up.

“Welcome, Jian hyung.”

The greeting came out late. Only after speaking did he realize his throat was a little dry.

“…Yeah. I was on cleaning duty today. I’m a bit late, right?”

Jian’s answer was, how should he put it, a tone that tried to brush it off lightly, but in Young’s ears, only the words “late, right?” stuck clearly. Young blinked once. It felt like the knot that had been clenched below his chest was being touched by those words.

“You’re wrong.”

Jian’s eyebrows moved slightly.

“It’s not a little late, it’s... very late.”

It was almost a statement of fact. Even Young himself was surprised that he couldn’t soften it. Maybe because he had spent the whole day thinking, “Is he not coming today?” dozens of times, by the time he spoke, it had already come out like that.

“…Sorry.”

Jian made a face like he was biting the inside of his lip once, then lowered his head just a little. Young looked up at that for a moment, then suddenly had another thought. Was it really something to be this sorry about? What he really wanted to ask was something else.

“Do you want to stay with Han hyung longer?”

The words came out first. It was a sentence he had never once organized in his head, yet his tongue naturally chose those combinations. Jian’s gaze pinned Young. The space in front of the entrance went quiet, as if the wind had stopped for a moment. Young, without thinking, reached out and grabbed Jian’s collar. It ended up looking like he had placed two fingers on the front of a body that had grown so tall and slender.

“Can you stay that long with me too...?”

Even as he said it, Young couldn’t fully explain what “that long” meant. Was it the time spent with Han, the way he was when he was at school, or some other scenes Young didn’t know about?

Even so, the words that came out had the shape of what had risen from deep inside his heart. Jian did not answer for a while. He looked down once at Young’s hand gripping his collar, then looked back at Young’s face. Young did not avoid his gaze. He wanted to avoid it, but when the moment actually came, he didn’t know where to look away to.

“…Am I supposed to wait for you longer?”

Young’s final addition was perhaps a sentence that had only been circling in his mind dozens of times throughout the day. Jian drew in a small breath. Then he said very clearly.

“…I’ll stay longer today.”

The moment those words fell, the strength went out of Young’s fingertips.

“Okay.”

It was a short answer, but Young had put far more meaning into it than he had thought.

To Young, who had stepped back slightly, Jian said.

“Can I come inside?”

Young nodded.

“Yes. Let’s talk... inside.”

When they entered the reception room, the wet nurse had already served the tea and left. Steam still lingered hot above the cup.

After Jian sat down first, Young also sat in the chair opposite him. As the room suddenly grew quiet, Young felt as if he could hear the sound of his own heart in his ears. Young tapped the teacup twice with the teaspoon to drink the tea.

“How was class today?”

Jian asked first in his usual voice. Young thought for a moment, then suddenly remembered the math problems he had been solving in the morning and the sentence he had been reading during Korean class.

“…I don’t know.”

It was the truth. His body was sitting there, but his mind had been halfway toward the front gate. Jian snorted.

“Honest.”

That tone wasn’t bad. It was somewhere between scolding and brushing it off lightly. Young found that a little comforting.

“What about you, hyung?”

Young asked carefully in return.

“I don’t really know either. Today, I ran around a bit with the kids during gym class, and... my head went blank.”

As Jian said that, he leaned back. The school uniform shirt pulled a little at the shoulder. Young followed even that small movement with his eyes without missing it. Before, he hadn’t... been this big. That thought rose again and stabbed at the inside of his chest.

“Are you busy?”

When Young asked out of nowhere, Jian blinked.

“School. Are you busy too, hyung?”

“…Yeah. I’m busy. But being busy doesn’t mean coming here is hard or anything.”

Jian only said that much. The words that could have followed, answers like “I wanted to come” or “Were you waiting?” seemed deliberately left empty. Young tried to fill in that blank however he wanted, then stopped.

“When it’s Wednesday, time goes slowly.”

Young said, sitting up straight in his seat.

“Class is the same, but I keep looking at the clock... I thought you weren’t coming today.”

“Sorry.”

Jian said it again.

“I don’t want to say it’s because I’m busy, but... being on cleaning duty is really unfair.”

There was a slight hint of playfulness in the last part. Young unconsciously lifted the corners of his mouth a little.

“But... you came.”

The words came out more clearly than he expected. Even Young was a little surprised.

“Yeah. I came.”

Jian nodded.

“I’ll come well from now on too.”

From now on.

That word settled once more deep inside his chest. Young picked up the teacup, then set it down again.

The tea in the cup trembled slightly on the surface. This feeling he couldn’t explain, he didn’t dislike it. He didn’t dislike it, but it was a little scary, and it was scary, but he also didn’t want it to leave. To a ten-year-old child, that contradictory feeling still had no name.

He couldn’t tell exactly how long they talked. They talked a little about studying, and in between, Jian’s friends and school. Listening to Jian describe the playground, the hallway, and the classroom, Young felt as if he had gone there for a moment.

“Do you want to go to school too, Young?”

When Jian asked, Young answered faster than expected.

“No.”

Jian asked back with a slightly surprised expression.

“Why?”

Young looked at Jian’s face for a moment, then turned his gaze toward the window.

“…I like it here. I like having class here too, and the wet nurse is here... and you come here too, hyung.”

The moment he said “you too,” Jian smiled very slightly.

“That’s a relief.”

That one line was, strangely, a sentence that made Young feel at ease.

As the sun tilted further and the sounds of dinner preparations grew busy from the main building side, Jian stood up from his seat.

“Let’s stop here for today.”

Young stood up too. Just the fact that his body was getting up made him feel the conversation was ending.

He did not see him off to the entrance. Instead, he stood in front of the reception room door and followed the sound of footsteps growing distant with his ears. The sound of the door opening, closing, the sound of descending the stone steps. Only when every sound had returned to its place did the annex finally grow quiet.