ETR | Chapter 99

But now, what happy things does Xiao Xueman have to say?

Not long ago, he was sitting there, looking at the Cosmic Tree outside, feeling very calm. Even if he were to die, it wouldn't matter much. At least he didn't owe anything, and his past life could be considered colorful.

But Qin Lou suddenly appeared and changed everything. Even if this thing succeeded in the end, he couldn't be happy about his rebirth.

He just felt extremely uncomfortable, more than ever before, like his heart was being squeezed by a pair of hands.

Qin Lou refused to stop this thing, so he tried to reach out with the little strength he had left to stop it himself.

But as soon as he reached out, Qin Lou quickly pulled him back.

"Xueman, be good," Qin Lou sighed, "Listen to me this time, okay?"

Hearing this, Xiao Xueman trembled even more violently.

It seemed like no matter what, he couldn’t stop all this, so he turned red-eyed and replied, “Listen to you? Qin Lou, it’s not worth it. You’ll die.

“This… this has nothing to do with you. Our current relationship… you’re not worth it.

“I don’t like this thing. Stop using it, please?”

He was too emotional, and his words became somewhat incoherent towards the end.

The current Qin Lou reminded him of the scenes he had seen in the Illusion Realm before. This wasn't the first time he had done something like this.

Even though so much time had passed, Xiao Xueman felt that with their current relationship, Qin Lou shouldn't have to sacrifice so much.

Before, they were at least lovers, and encountering such things unexpectedly, Qin Lou's heart broke. Making such a choice while the feelings were still warm was understandable. But after so long, even the warmest feelings would cool down.

Moreover, after reuniting, Xiao Xueman hadn't treated him particularly well. Looking back, he felt that Qin Lou was already doing more than enough by accompanying him to the Secret Realm.

But now, the life-for-life sentiment Qin Lou was giving him was too heavy. He didn't know how to respond in the future, nor would he have the chance.

"It's not worth it," Xiao Xueman repeatedly told him, "The Illusion Realm... some of what it said wasn't without reason. I... sometimes I'm more selfish than you think, and not as good as you think. Qin Lou, wake up."

Qin Lou felt he was incredibly clear-headed now.

“Xueman, everything said in the Illusion Realm is fake. It’s meant to make you angry, I told you. If you were truly selfish, you should calmly accept all this right now,” he soothed Xiao Xueman’s back. “Don’t think about it, Xueman. It’s already started. The more you struggle, the more my spiritual power will be wasted.”

Fortunately, Xiao Xueman had absorbed Qin Lou’s spiritual power before, so this time it would go more smoothly.

Soon, Xiao Xueman felt the spiritual power slowly flowing into his body. It was a warm and comfortable feeling, like soaking in warm water, but Xiao Xueman felt as if he was scalded, burying himself in Qin Lou’s arms, trembling uncontrollably.

His original spiritual power hadn’t disappeared; it was just that his talent was restricted.

But breaking through to Spirit God Tier 9 required a huge push, and Qin Lou’s spiritual power flowed to him bit by bit. This process was extremely long for Xiao Xueman.

Qin Lou knew he was feeling bad, so he kept trying to talk about other things to distract Xiao Xueman and help him accept all this.

And he also had many things he wanted to say to Xiao Xueman.

“Since you mentioned the Illusion Realm, do you know what I saw in there, Xueman?”

Previously, Xiao Xueman had asked him, and Qin Lou had only briefly mentioned something about him.

Of course, it was about Xiao Xueman. Inevitably, all the major events in Qin Lou’s life—even several life-and-death situations—were related to Xiao Xueman.

But when he mentioned why he could walk out while Xiao Xueman sank deeper, he explained that although he had obsessions and doubts, he had answers in his heart.

If the answer was just Xiao Xueman, it would be thin upon closer examination.

“Xiao Xueman” in many ways was just Qin Lou’s obsession. After reuniting, his attitude was mostly distant, which really couldn’t be considered as having achieved what Qin Lou wanted, nor could it be called an “answer” that allowed Qin Lou to remain unaffected by the Illusion Realm.

"The Illusion Realm indeed played out many scenes, including you and Yuan Shu. The message it wanted to convey was the same: you don't love me, and you never will."

Qin Lou recalled the Illusion Realm he had seen, and now his mood was calm.

The most impactful sentence there was, "You were never the most important person to Xiao Xueman, never."

The Illusion Realm said that before, the most important person to Xiao Xueman was Yuan Shu. Although that emotion was negative, pure hatred, the desire to kill Yuan Shu for revenge was the biggest motivation for Xiao Xueman to move forward.

Later, the most important person to Xiao Xueman was Xiao Wan, his biological son whom he raised from childhood, connected by blood, with good talent, cherished and pampered. Even when their lives clashed, he wouldn't let Xiao Wan get hurt.

——If others heard this, even Xiao Xueman's good friends Shen Guan and Yu Zhengrong, they wouldn't think there was anything wrong. Instead, they might find it quite reasonable.

And even Xiao Xueman himself, when hearing Qin Lou explain these things in detail, followed along with this idea.

"The Illusion Realm is right, Qin Lou," he said, "See, I'm not worth this from you. Don't do this..."

But when Qin Lou said these things, he still had a smile on his face.

"I know the Illusion Realm is fake." He whispered in Xiao Xueman's ear, "I know, those things can't fool me."

Xiao Xueman was stunned. He didn’t know where Qin Lou’s confidence came from, but he listened as he continued, “When I confessed to you about everything I had experienced, there was one thing I didn’t mention. But it wasn’t hiding it from you; you know about it because you’ve experienced it too.

“Zhong Tang told me many things, perhaps out of the last bit of conscience he had, or maybe he still remembered the friendship between me and my father’s friend. This one thing, I’ve always kept in my heart.”

“Zhong Tang told me that the time you successfully escaped, you severely injured Yuan Shu, so Tian Shu Academy couldn’t focus on anything else. Much of their attention was on how to save Yuan Shu, which gave us and Wangtian Immortal Gate a chance to breathe,” Qin Lou said.

“But there’s one thing that outsiders don’t know, only those who came to guard Yuan Shu at the time knew—”

Xiao Xueman knew what he was about to say, and he instinctively refuted, “I didn’t…”

“You had the chance to die together with Yuan Shu, to drag him down with you, but you gave up in the end, remembering the promise, and ran all the way to the Sixteenth Heaven to find me,” Qin Lou said.

“Zhong Tang told me that when Yuan Shu woke up and learned about this, it was also the root of his desire to sow discord. Yuan Shu always believed you loved yourself the most and would never harm yourself for anyone—not even for revenge, let alone give up your life.

“But he didn’t expect that you would give it up for me.”

At that time, Qin Lou had already broken through to Spirit God Tier 9, and Wangtian Immortal Gate was growing stronger. Yuan Shu knew that he probably couldn’t withstand it, but he was happy when he finally faced the battle.

If Xiao Xueman couldn’t break free from those chains, Wangtian Immortal Gate’s rear would surely fall, even affecting the front lines.

Even if Wangtian Immortal Gate barely won, it would be a pyrrhic victory with heavy losses, and Xiao Xueman and Qin Lou would fall apart.

If Xiao Xueman managed to break free, he would certainly lend a hand, but he would harbor resentment towards Qin Lou, and the two would become enemies—leaving Wangtian Immortal Gate in turmoil, with internal strife escalating, and Qin Lou and Xiao Xueman becoming a pair of resentful lovers.

Even if Tian Shu Academy lost in the end, they would leave Wangtian Immortal Gate and Qin Lou with a huge hidden danger and trouble, which was the disgusting thing Yuan Shu had prepared even in death.

But he didn't expect Xiao Xueman to go to that extent. Yuan Shu never saw the real side of Xiao Xueman.

The real side of Xiao Xueman was given to Qin Lou.

If Xiao Xueman truly prioritized revenge against Yuan Shu, he would have died together with him without hesitation.

But later, he chose the previously abandoned method of “dying together,” and this “dying together” wasn’t even for Yuan Shu, but for those small roles he used to look down on.

What changed him, Yuan Shu didn’t know—and even if he did, he didn’t want to admit it.

But for Qin Lou, who heard all this from Zhong Tang, the answer was already obvious.

“My Xueman loves me. I realized it too late and once regretted it deeply,” Qin Lou said.

“But Xueman once considered me the most important person. Even if it was once, even if I made mistakes, my Xueman still protected me with all his might.

“I know this, and this is… my answer.”

When Qin Lou said this, his tone was joyful. He didn't care at all that his spiritual power was rapidly depleting, as if repeating it a few more times would make the physical pain seem insignificant.

Later, when Xiao Xueman sent Qin Lou out from the center of the Secret Realm, thinking of moving forward alone, it reminded Qin Lou of past events, as if the scene was replaying.

The enemy hated to the bone was important, but in Xiao Xueman's actions, Qin Lou was far more important than revenge.

Xiao Wan was also important, but it was limited to father-son affection. Xiao Wan would eventually become independent, become someone who could stand on his own, and have his own life.

Above human love, only he and Xiao Xueman were truly intimate, flesh and blood intertwined, the most important people to each other.

Even if it was once, it truly existed.

Xiao Xueman rarely said "I love you" in his interactions with Qin Lou. When he accepted Qin Lou's pursuit, he was indifferent, as if there were no waves. Qin Lou later had little sense of security and began to overthink, which was indeed one of the reasons.

Xiao Xueman was originally someone who said little but did a lot. His actions had already explained everything.

Now, Qin Lou no longer thought about it, nor did he need to.

"My Xueman is worth doing anything for," Qin Lou said, "For someone who loves me deeply and whom I love deeply, I'm willing to do anything."