SH | Chapter 4.1

Junggil held out his hand. The sunlight had already gone far away, leaving only a tail of brightness behind, so the room was dim. Within that half-light, where gloom and darkness mingled, Donggu agonized.

He wanted to take that hand.

He wanted to live like a man, as a man should.

If he took that hand, could he really live that way?

Could he trust this man?

Donggu’s eyes trembled without stopping.

The intruder’s hand was rough, callused.

It held a strength that could endure this cruel and unjust world.

The intruder’s voice was calm.

Stability and comfort wrapped around him softly.

The intruder’s eyes were earnest.

They pleaded with thirst.

“…Even if I went back to looking like a man on the outside, you’d still want me to spread my legs like a woman and pant seductively for you, wouldn’t you.”

A dead winter came creeping back into Donggu’s eyes. Butterflies froze in the cold and fell dead. Even resentment grew tired. Only meaningless mockery leaked out in a blur.

“Even if I followed you, do you really think that feeling of yours would last? Human hearts are like hot water in a bowl. Given time, they will always cool.”

“I’m not that kind of man. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t judge my feelings so lightly.”

Junggil immediately denied Donggu’s snap judgment. How could he possibly have such a frivolous mind when he had decided to steal a noble household’s bride?

“No, it will definitely turn out that way. It’s only lust that started as curiosity. A man’s curiosity at seeing a big, sturdy man dressed as a woman, becoming the bride of a noble family, and getting fucked from behind by another man.”

Donggu picked up the fallen hairpin. It was a fine jade pin. He gathered his loose hair into a bun and expertly stuck the pin in place. He finished putting on the clothes he had half-donned. Layer by layer, the skirts fastened over his skin like hooks being snapped shut, covering him completely. The ties at his chest were pulled tight, hiding his solid upper body.

“I may live in this sorry state, but I’m still a man. I know a man’s nature. A man is nothing but a beast who tells the truth only in that moment, just so he can thrust his thing into someone else.”

Junggil regretted the way Donggu’s flesh was being covered, as if a curtain had been drawn over it. Like a beast in rut, he wanted to pounce on Donggu right then and there.

It would have been easy. No matter how much Donggu had a man’s strength, Junggil was a martial man. Bringing down Donggu, who was no more than an ordinary person, would have been nothing.

But if he did that, he would become exactly the kind of man Donggu was describing. A man who coaxed someone into running away, then coveted that body. A man whose feelings might be sincere in the moment but who went cold after one fucking.

Junggil did not want to be that kind of man to Donggu.

“By your logic, your husband would be the same, wouldn’t he. Right now he’s drunk on you. But the you I’ve watched has always been far too easy. You didn’t act like a cunning woman, teasing and withholding to make a man burn with impatience. You just opened yourself up. And you know this well, since you’re a man too. Men grow bored of easy prey.”

“…I’ve been waiting for that day all along.”

Fully dressed now, Donggu gave Junggil an equally neat, hollow smile.

“A clever man took a man like you as his bride, switching your identity back and forth between woman and man. Even if he got tired of you, do you really think he’d let you go so easily? He’s a man who might do anything to hide the shameful past of having taken a man as his wife.”

“…I know that much.”

“I may be the kind of man you call a lowly one. But I’m not two-faced. Even if there comes a day when I no longer feel anything for you, I am a man who won’t put you in danger.”

Junggil’s persuasion sent waves through Donggu’s heart. His body had already been discarded anyway. Once he had spread his legs for one man, what was there to lose if he spread them for another?

“So come with me. Throw off that ridiculous woman’s clothing that doesn’t suit you at all.”

Donggu stared at the large hand before him. His fingers twitched. Should he go mad and take that hand? In the short span of a moment, his thoughts surged like countless seasons passing at once.

Yoongong’s voice gradually reached him.

[You are my wife and my slave. The true owner of your name gave me the slave papers with your real name written on them.]

The left-state councilor’s daughter-in-law. The wife of a successful husband who had topped the state examinations and was riding a smooth path to glory. Her in-laws were kind, her sister-in-law was gentle, and her husband was affectionate. She was the kind of lucky bride anyone would envy.

If the one standing there had been a woman instead of a man.

But he was still a slave.

[So act like a slave and offer what your master wants. Your body, your life, your will, your heart, all of it.]

Yoongong’s voice did not stop coming. Donggu’s ears hurt.

“…Guh!”

“What’s wrong all of a sudden? Calm down!”

Donggu clamped both hands over his ears and writhed in pain. Startled by the sudden reaction, Junggil hurriedly grabbed his shoulders.

[You know what happens when a slave crosses the master’s temper. They are punished until the master’s heart cools.]

His head rang.

[That’s not all. A slave rising against his master is, broadly speaking, treason. If that happens, everyone in your bloodline, everyone even remotely connected to you, will be killed as if your entire clan were wiped out. The slaves who spent time with you, the people who spoke with you, all of them will die because of you.]

Yoongong’s voice tore through his mind.

[You will watch their deaths while held in my arms.]

He saw people dying while cursing and hating him. They were only illusions, but they were terrifying. Countless lives dangled on the thread of how he chose to act.

Their lives trampled Donggu’s will.

[Hah, huff, if you don’t want that, then just show me the proper appearance of a virtuous wife that I want… kh, that’s all you have to do. Haah, like this…]

With a thick, long, hard thing gouging out his insides while his mouth gouged at Donggu’s chest, it was so sharp it was like a whetted blade. Donggu’s heart was cut clean in two.

[So, wife, I hope you become the kind of woman suited to your family.]

Yoongong chewed and swallowed the half of Donggu’s heart that had run out of strength. With his own blood smeared thickly over him, he kissed the remaining half-heart.

Donggu’s blood and the half-heart Yoongong had swallowed were linked by a stream of blood, making the dead heart that was left behind beat again.

Like a slave prostrating himself and obeying his master’s orders.

“Hah, hah, hah!”

“What is happening? Can you hear me?”

His face was stricken with fear, like a drowning man’s. Unable to bear it any longer, Junggil shook Donggu. In the end he even slapped his cheeks lightly. Donggu’s eyes gradually lost all light and went black.

Junggil’s urgent voice calling to him never reached Donggu’s ears. He could not even see Junggil standing right in front of him.

Donggu’s unfocused eyes were seeing Yoongong’s illusion. Yoongong’s eyes narrowed at him. His tightly shut lips opened, and in an instant Donggu was restrained and forced to his knees before him.

A phantom holding a baton appeared before Donggu’s terrified eyes.

He must have resented a slave daring to think of escaping his grasp. The remaining half-heart trembled with guilt. He must be receiving punishment for it.

He was beaten with a baton, had cords twisted tight around him, and suffered crushing punishment without end.

Invisible chains bound Donggu and dragged him over a gravel road. Bones broke, flesh tore, and he crawled like a dog.

Yoongong, covered in blood and reduced to half a corpse, embraced him and whispered tenderly.

[Wife, I love you.]

“…Hah!”

The horrible illusion smiled in satisfaction and kissed Donggu. It felt as if the touch were real.

“A-are you all right?”

Junggil appeared where Yoongong’s face had vanished. Donggu clutched his chest in pain as if his heart had been cut in half.

“Does your chest hurt somewhere?”

Junggil looked at Donggu’s hand, which was trembling violently even as it clutched at his chest as if trying to tear it out. He had exerted so much force that it had gone bloodless and pale.

“…If I followed you, could you grant me what I want?”

It was so soft Junggil could barely hear it if he leaned in close. Donggu was breathing hard, in obvious pain. Junggil lowered his head without a word, close to Donggu’s lips.

“Could you kill the man who is my husband?”

His blackened eyes, having lost all light, looked at Junggil. Junggil met his gaze.

“What are you saying?”

“…Kill my husband, and the left-state councilor and his wife too. Kill the lady of this house who will soon become the crown princess consort, and kill the Mr. and Mrs. Geum who have become my official natal family too?”

“…”

“Could you kill everyone in the noble families who know I married into the left-state councilor’s house as Geum Jinsa’s daughter?”

The corners of Donggu’s lips lifted strangely. His unfocused eyes flashed. Panting for breath, Donggu looked at Junggil. Junggil swallowed dryly.

“If you do that for me, I’ll gladly follow you. I can even do worse than a whore worn smooth by use!”

If someone else had to die because of him, then wouldn’t it be a hundred times better for it to be those who had twisted his fate rather than his own blood relatives?

If someone had to die anyway.

Malice welled up in Donggu’s chest.

Junggil lowered the hand that had been on Donggu’s shoulder. He took a step back and slowly stood. Donggu’s gaze followed him upward.

“…Let’s say I granted your wish. If I drenched the powerful household in blood, and even its in-laws, the Geum Jinsa family, were caught up in it, you wouldn’t know what future awaited you afterward…”

“Of course I’d be captured soon and beheaded. Broadly speaking, it’s treason.”

Donggu smiled faintly.

“…You could live a much better life just by running away. So why make such a dangerous proposal?”

“Are you afraid of being beheaded?”

Junggil did not answer Donggu’s question.

Was he afraid?

No, he wasn’t.

The moment he decided to live a life holding a sword, he had given up on dying prettily.

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