SH | Chapter 4.4

“At least now we can breathe a little easier.”

It had been a frantic stretch of time. With Yunso’s preparations for entering the palace and Yoongong’s backlog of work, the days had been busy. The work had apparently been exhausting, because Yoongong had lost weight compared to before, giving his face a more delicate outline.

“You must have had a hard time.”

Donggu poured wine into Yoongong’s empty cup. Night deepened. Yoongong and Donggu were both dressed in underrobes.

Yoongong had asked for wine, saying they should celebrate the completion of their busy work. Even at such a late hour, the maids had properly prepared a table of drinks and side dishes.

Watching how the maids never let their guard down no matter what, Donggu felt both admiration and a bitter sadness.

“We haven’t even been married long, yet I’ve neglected you, Madam. Every time I got buried in work and couldn’t leave the palace, you have no idea how badly I wanted to run away.”

Yoongong took Donggu’s hand. Donggu carefully set down the wine bottle he was holding so he wouldn’t spill it. At that same moment, Yoongong pulled him in.

Thud.

“…Ah.”

A short moan slipped from Donggu’s mouth as he was pulled straight into Yoongong’s arms. A large hand stroked over the thin underrobe. Every place the palm passed was branded with heat.

“Holding my wife in my arms like this finally makes me feel at ease. I suppose this is why people make a family.”

“…”

Yoongong smiled brightly as he softly stroked Donggu’s cheek. Donggu’s eyes trembled a little as he looked at that smiling face. It was a happy, cheerful, comforting smile.

[Could you kill the man who is my husband?]

His own malicious voice thundered in his head. Yoongong’s smiling face before him wavered.

[…Kill my husband, and the left-state councilor and his wife too. Kill the lady of this house who will soon become the crown princess consort, and kill the Mr. and Mrs. Geum who have become my official natal family too?]

He had poured out his heartfelt wish to the man who longed for him. He had exposed the murderous intent of a lowly man daring to harbor it toward a nobleman. Since his life was already ruined, he had thought it did not matter what happened.

[If you do that for me, I’ll gladly follow you. I can even do worse than a whore worn smooth by use!]

Buried under helpless despair, he had surrendered. Even if he gave some soldier in guard’s clothes the right to do whatever he wanted with his body, he still wanted to escape.

Donggu hated Yoongong, who had turned him into this, and who held his blood relatives’ safety and lives in his hands. He hated that Yoongong had trained him into a body that felt pleasure when penetrated from behind by a man. He hated Yoongong’s voice calling him, someone who was clearly a man, his wife.

The warmth of the hand stripping away his robe was hot. Yoongong looked at him with eyes full of longing, while still smiling gently. The demon raging in Donggu’s heart hesitated. An unbearable emotion pressed down on the demon’s shoulders.

“…Hah!”

Donggu clamped a hand over his mouth. If he didn’t, he felt like he would scream like a madman. His legs, spread wide open, trembled violently. His insides pulsed and shrank and swelled busily. Blood and muscle throughout his body raged out of control.

“Huh, ah… p-please stop!”

Yoongong’s wet, hot tongue lapped at his cock. He sucked the tip hard, then dragged his tongue all the way up the shaft. One hand gripped his cock, while the other kneaded his balls.

“Haah! Ugh!”

Donggu’s hands seized Yoongong’s head. He felt like he was going insane. The hot membrane inside Yoongong’s mouth and the tongue tightened around his cock. The suction of that mouth, clinging and swallowing, was like paradise dreamed up by a lunatic.

“Huum, mwah, haahp, smack!”

“Nggh, haa, ahh, hak.”

The tip of his cock hitting Yoongong’s throat felt like it was melting. The shaft his tongue was sweeping and licking thrashed like a fish. Firm teeth lightly scraped over it. The sharp sensation stabbed through Donggu’s mind.

“Aaaaaaah!”

“…Mmph!”

Donggu’s body stiffened for a moment, unable to endure it. Before he knew it, Yoongong tasted his seed. The hot release going down Yoongong’s throat made Yoongong’s brow wrinkle faintly.

“Ah, ahh, hh…”

“…Hoo.”

In the pleasure of climax, Donggu shook violently with dazed eyes. A satisfied cry burst out between his reddened lips. Yoongong wiped the white seed from the corner of his mouth with his finger.

“Did that feel good, Madam?”

Donggu was feeling the same way he had when he first drank makgeolli. He had harvested rice nonstop in Geum Jinsa’s fields during harvest season. Since Geum Jinsa was not a bad master, he had not sent Donggu to work in the fields or paddies before he came of age.

As soon as he became an adult, he was sent to help with the harvest. On the first day, after finishing work, Donggu panted from exhaustion. The older tenant farmer’s wife patted his back and handed him a bowl of cool makgeolli.

Thirsty, he drank it down without thinking. It was cool and bitter. The second time he drank, he felt as light as if his whole body were floating. Without meaning to, he kept gulping it down.

The scenery around him spun. His belly grew warm, and hot breath came from his mouth. His mind blurred, and he felt endlessly good.

Lost in that memory-that-wasn’t, Donggu’s gasping eyes flew open.

“Hah!”

Yoongong’s face, wiping away the white seed at the corner of his mouth, filled his entire field of vision. Donggu drew in a breath sharply. There was no worse hangover than this.

“I-I am sorry. I, no, this lowly one, I was so bold as to…!”

“Oh, why are you apologizing? It’s only natural that I should make my wife happy.”

Yoongong caught Donggu’s hand, which was hurriedly wiping at his own mouth, and pulled it down. Donggu’s eyes, still carrying traces of excitement, trembled wildly with embarrassment, awkwardness, difficulty, and mortification.

“But… this lowly one is supposed to make the master happy, so how could this, this shameful, this outrageous…”

Yoongong’s eyes narrowed at Donggu, who was flustered.

“Madam.”

“…Ah.”

Yoongong tightened his hand around Donggu’s chin, forcing him to look up. Donggu’s face was lifted and their eyes met, making him shake.

“Do you know?”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

Yoongong now held both of Donggu’s cheeks in his hands, forcing eye contact. Donggu stiffened with tension at the beautiful face he was compelled to look at.

A serious gaze and a soft voice settled gently over the hatred he had packed down tightly. His chest creaked like the broken door of an abandoned house.

“I fell for you the moment I saw you.”

“…!”

“The scenery around me blurred, and only your face remained clear.”

Donggu felt as if the hands holding both his cheeks were also holding his sanity. He froze helplessly and could not escape. He could not immediately understand what he was hearing.

“What would it feel like if my reflection were captured in those black eyes of yours, like a puppy’s?”

What would it feel like if tears filled those puppy-like black eyes?

“What would it feel like if you called me with those lovely lips of yours?”

How ecstatic would it be if those full lips sucked on his cock?

Hiding his blatant desire, Yoongong whispered sweetly.

“That was the only thought I had. As if I had truly gone mad.”

He wrapped the lust that had struck like lightning at first in sweet words. Yoongong’s lips curved upward.

His naked, raw lust stripped away Yoongong’s mask. Once his breath was freed, he grabbed Donggu without hesitation. Yoongong no longer bothered to hide his suppressed inclinations.

That twisted desire only kept growing no matter how many times he fucked and fucked. Yoongong let out a self-mocking laugh at the endless dissatisfaction.

A smile that was bitter and yet dazzling beyond measure. Donggu looked at Yoongong, who was smiling at him, and closed his lips.

He wanted Yoongong dead.

If he could, he wanted to kill him.

But unlike his heart, his body was tied down by status and threats and could only lie flat in submission. It was a humiliation engraved on the soul, shamelessly servile to the core.

The resentment and hatred he had buried because he lacked the power to release them had once spilled out in frustration. He had shown his anger to the intruder who suddenly appeared. The intruder, like a cowardly eavesdropper, had backed away.

It became an unfulfilled wish. The wish turned into resentment and grudges, sinking straight down into a deep cave.

From the exit on the other side, Yoongong’s bright smile blew in like a gust. Donggu’s resentment and grudges, heavy with hatred, sank.

Yoongong’s soft smile walked lightly over that hatred like footprints pressed into mud.

Guilt was engraved over the hatred like footsteps on Soyeel.

Donggu’s hands clutched at his chest.

“Every time I feel you nestled in my arms like this, it feels like I’m walking in a dream, and I’m so happy.”

Yoongong’s voice hammered mercilessly at Donggu’s guilt. The heavy emotions that dropped from Yoongong like blows melted Donggu’s soul like honey.

I hate him.

A natural feeling.

I’m ashamed.

That, too, was natural.

I want to run away.

What more was there to say?

I want to kill him.

A resentment strong enough to crush bones to powder.

He had no reason to feel guilty. To Donggu, Yoongong was simply an enemy.

And yet why was he smiling so happily? His own insides were rotten and ruined, weathered away until only dry wind blew through them.

By now even hatred had become so tedious that he felt nothing at all. And yet why did it make his heart ache so badly with guilt?

Donggu himself found it absurd. A nobleman lusting after a man. A high-born man who had twisted Donggu’s life for his own desires.

Even so, Donggu’s insides had rotted away, and like a slave he simply obeyed his master’s orders.

He was living as a slave in a place of pleasure, obedient and never resisting even once. So why was he touching the rotten parts of himself however he pleased?

And why, like the biggest fool in the world, was he about to be shaken by it?

“Madam, did that perhaps feel unpleasant? Your face looks bad.”

“No… it’s fine.”

Donggu gave a faint smile. Then he slowly lowered his head. A hot breath escaped between his red, swollen lips.

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