Even as he spoke, Chaegong thought Hyeonjo would get angry. He expected him to say, what are you talking about with those hands, and tell him to lie still in the hospital. But Hyeonjo did not. After a moment of silence,

“Fine. Let’s go home.”

He whispered it like that. His voice did not sound angry, and it did not sound displeased. He just seemed a little tired. Chaegong pulled back the blanket. What appeared was Hyeonjo’s face, dark beneath the eyes and still flushed around them.

It was a face he had never seen in the three years they had lived together. In the eyes meeting his, the pupils were eerily still and yet violently surging. Like invisible currents deep under the sea. This was not the Hyeonjo who had always stood tall, brimming with confidence.

Chaegong suddenly found the alpha in front of him strangely unfamiliar.

Not the kind gaze from when they first met, nor the sharp eyes he had when angry. The faint scent drifting from him was undeniably one Chaegong knew, and yet. Staring blankly at Hyeonjo, Chaegong noticed the bloodstain on Hyeonjo’s shirt. Hyeonjo was not hurt, and the only place Chaegong had bled was his forehead, so maybe Hyeonjo had held him in his arms.

On those stairs. Kwon Hyeonjo, holding Lee Chaegong alone after he had collapsed on the floor. Had he rushed him to the hospital in his arms?

Staring at the stain that had already dried and turned dark reddish brown, Chaegong spoke before he knew it.

“Why were you… so kind to me?”

Spending time together, feeding him delicious food, doing fun things, placing precious things in his hands. He should not have done that. He should not have told him. For the first time, Chaegong blamed Hyeonjo.

If he was going to take it all away in the end, then he should never have let him know from the beginning. Then Chaegong would not have clung so desperately to what he could never have, aching for it.

The white blanket began to dampen again. But this time, he did not feel like wiping away the tears. His forehead hurt, his fingers hurt. Chaegong, breathing hard without feeling anything at all, whispered softly.

“Do you like me?”

Unlike what Chaegong had expected, thinking an answer would come right away, Hyeonjo did not reply. Looking at his hardened face, it seemed he did not even think it was worth answering.

After keeping his mouth shut in silence for a very long time, Hyeonjo slowly reached out. Blood had dried on his fingertips too. His hot hand very slowly cupped Chaegong’s cheek. As if Chaegong were some precious treasure.

“…Why would I like someone like you?”

“Then do you hate me?”

A tired face that did not look like it would collapse, but did fill his entire field of vision, and a heavy yet somehow refreshing scent rushed in. It was so close that he could not even see Hyeonjo’s face properly. In the blurred vision, Hyeonjo was crying. There was no way, but it looked that way.

“I hate you. I hate you so much. I hate you so much I feel like I’m going crazy.”

Their foreheads touched. More vividly than the sting of his wounds, Hyeonjo’s hot skin felt real. Had tears touched his lips? A salty taste lingered at the tip of his tongue. Chaegong did not want to act childish, but he could not stop himself from blurting out a childish question in a trembling voice.

“What am I to you?”

“……”

“Am I your housekeeper?”

As if he had not known that, Hyeonjo, whose eyes were red, moved away from Chaegong. The vibration felt in his pocket was both welcome and hateful. With the hard-won freedom of his body back, Chaegong lowered his head and wiped away the tears still pouring down. Hyeonjo, quietly staring at the top of his head, turned away.

“…Take the car and go home first. I’ll go later.”

Once again, the door closed without a sound.

At last, Chaegong decided to give up. The violence that tightened around him, the sharp abuse, and even so, the warmth that still poured over him. All of it.

Chaegong had never been able to do that in his whole life. He could not escape his father even while he was being beaten by him, and only after finally going somewhere his father could never reach did he break free from the hands that had held him so tightly. Even that would never have happened without Hyeonjo’s help.

Hyeonjo. Kwon Hyeonjo. An alpha who picked up an omega shivering in the street, battered and shabby, fed him, clothed him, and gave him a life. He owed him far too much. Three years had passed, so even if Chaegong worked at a convenience store for several more years, he probably would never be able to pay it all back.

And it was not just money. Chaegong now knew what popular TV programs were. He knew how many different kinds of food existed in the world, how comfortable it was to lie on a soft sofa and take a nap, how huge the movie theater screen was, how high the Ferris wheel was, and how slowly it moved.

And he knew, too, how good it felt to receive a gentle touch. The feeling of smiling face-to-face with a morning kiss, and how blissful bed would be when soft caresses came with it.

The one who had taught him all of that was Kwon Hyeonjo. The person who had filled Lee Chaegong’s life with so much more, and at the same time, the person who hurt Chaegong most in the world. Chaegong belonged to Hyeonjo, but Hyeonjo did not belong to Chaegong. That difference stabbed straight into his chest.

The stabbed chest split open, and from beyond it something thick and sticky welled up. It was, for the most part, fragments of feelings he had never been able to do anything about, feelings like love, affection, possessiveness, greed, and the like that he had only ever pressed down. He had been unable to bring them out, and had not even known how, so he had trampled them all into one corner until they were so thoroughly mixed together that their original shape could no longer be recognized.

Faced at last with his own clotted, rotting emotions right in front of him, Chaegong could finally let out a hollow breath. Just a moment ago, every breath had felt like a struggle, as if his throat were being squeezed shut, but once he realized the truth, all of those sensations vanished in an instant.

It’s because you have such disgusting things inside you that you live like this. That’s why you aren’t loved. That’s why everyone hates you. Because you give off such a foul smell.

So you have to live your whole life lonely, in pain, and in misery.

“…Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

In any case, Lee Chaegong had decided to let go of Kwon Hyeonjo. He was sorry for curling up with such a pitiful face as if to arouse sympathy, and sorry for not being able to endure any longer. He was sorry for making Hyeonjo ask why he was always apologizing, and sorry that the occasional warmth Hyeonjo poured over him could no longer mend the wounds inflicted by those sharp eyes.

In the end, to Hyeonjo, Chaegong was nothing more than a toy. A lowly omega who was convenient, decent enough at housework, and who could be grabbed by the shoulder and sworn at without causing any trouble.

Even if he suddenly disappeared one day, Hyeonjo would suffer no loss. He was an attractive alpha, and omegas eager to approach him were everywhere. Not only omegas, but alphas and betas alike were desperate to get close to him, so Chaegong’s place could be filled in no time.

In fact, it wasn’t even difficult. If he was gone, they could simply bring in a new, real housekeeper. A professional would probably be far better than Chaegong at the job. And since the reason Hyeonjo laid hands on him was mostly because of Chaegong himself, if he disappeared, there would be no reason for Hyeonjo to be angry either.

No matter how he thought about it, keeping Chaegong around seemed like the bigger loss. That was fortunate. At least he could leave with a little of the burden lifted from his conscience.