Hyunjo spent his days as usual. He went to school, and spent even more time at the company, learning all kinds of things. He ate, and he slept. It was just an ordinary stretch of days, neither especially happy nor especially miserable.

If there was only one thing that had changed, it was that even when he came home in the late afternoon, he could no longer feel any warmth there. That was all.

Lee Chaegong had never been big to begin with, and he usually kept his shoulders hunched in even smaller, so even after he disappeared, the empty space he left behind was not all that large. At most, a seat at the end of the sofa and one room were left vacant. In the first place, Hyunjo only ever used his own room and the living room, so he did not even feel the emptiness.

The delicious smells drifting from the kitchen, the small smile that would slip out when they watched a movie together, the damp floral scent he caught whenever he passed by. Nothing happened just because those things were gone. Hyunjo simply carried on with his quiet life.

About a week after Lee Chaegong disappeared, Hyunjo bought cigarettes for the first time in his life.

Kwon Hyunjo had been born selfish. He did not know whether that was true, but even before he knew what selfishness was, he had heard those words.

Selfish Kwon Hyunjo took painfully good care of anything that concerned himself. He lied to hide his mistakes, and he played pitiful to catch the hand that would soothe the stinging marks left by the switch.

Even with countless people around him urging him otherwise, Kwon Hyunjo had never gone near cigarettes. Cigarettes were useless and harmful in every possible way. Especially that smell, which resembled exhaust fumes, always dragged Hyunjo’s mood down.

That Kwon Hyunjo had bought cigarettes with his own hands. Even he did not know why. Why had someone so obsessively attentive to his own safety bought something like this, and why, despite wrinkling his nose at the bitter taste in his mouth, did he refuse to put it down?

Breathing in that unpleasant, acrid smell, Hyunjo frowned. His face looked like a child who had had his toy taken away, and also like the face of someone who had dimly realized something was wrong.

Hyunjo did not look for Chaegong. In fact, somewhere in his heart, he even thought it was better this way. Breaking off his engagement to Yoon Yiseol and creating a glaring weakness for the sake of just some recessive omega really was unreasonable when he thought about it again.

No official documents had been exchanged yet, so if he went back to Jeonghyeok and asked him to make the broken engagement a thing of the past, everything would return to the way it had been. The marriage that would cement his position as heir, the company that would eventually be his. Instead of looking down on him for having such poor judgment, the board would cover for him.

But Hyunjo did not do that. He did not go to Jeonghyeok, and he did not ask to pretend none of it had ever happened. He did not even know why. Still, Kwon Hyunjo would gladly meet whatever attacks came flying his way.

This was not guilt. The naturally selfish Kwon Hyunjo was not the sort of person to let go of what he had because of something like guilt. It was just that faint scent. The scent of morning dew in a forest, the scent of rain-soaked wood, maybe even the scent of baby’s breath. That scent, made of all the gentle, delicate things he knew, mixed together, he simply missed it a little.

A new housekeeper never came to the large house. In the home where only Kwon Hyunjo remained, he sometimes tried cooking with his own hands. Naturally, he had never once made food himself in his life, and most of what he cooked did not taste good. Still, whenever he thought of it, Hyunjo would pick up a kitchen knife.

Whenever he held it, he would remember the foolish person who had stood here and cut open his own skin. He kept thinking of that crazy person who had thrown a glass cup and tried to walk over it.

Hyunjo did not want to think about Chaegong. If he came to understand, he would end up sympathizing, and if he sympathized, his heart would soften. Besides, once you knew something, responsibility came with it. That was why he did not want to know.

As for why Lee Chaegong had hurt himself……

A faint bead of blood stained the carrot pieces that had rolled onto the floor. Hyunjo silently stared at the finger with the tiny cut. Even such a small injury stung so much that it left him in a foul mood. If a clumsy knife cut could make his chest go cold like this, how did that boy feel after cutting himself with his own hands? Whatever it was, it had nothing to do with Hyunjo.

That day, Hyunjo ate the worst fried rice in the world. It was so bad he could not even manage three spoonfuls, but he found himself thinking that he should have made something like this for him at least once. Would he have forced a smile and said it was delicious, or would he have said it tasted bad and insisted he would make it again? Hyunjo did not know what he would have said. Probably not now, and perhaps never.

Sitting at the dining table, Hyunjo stared blankly at the box. The box, stamped with the logo of a fairly famous bakery, was one he had bought for Chaegong not long ago. Four slices of cake. The miserable Lee Chaegong had, as if trying to save it, eaten only two slices and shoved the rest deep into the refrigerator. It was not some convenience-store bread packed with preservatives.

Naturally, the cake had long since gone past its expiration date. Hyunjo stared for a long while at the one intact slice and the half-eaten piece. Idiot. What was the point of saving something like this?

The silver fork split through the cream, which still carried a sweet scent. It tasted just so-so. Hyunjo finished off the mediocre cake. So that when Chaegong came back someday and opened the refrigerator, he would not see him saving something worthless like this.

Hyunjo remembered the face that had opened the refrigerator again and again. The hand that took the box out, opened it, then put it back without even eating. The faint smile left on the face as it turned away. That foolish guy who had eaten in tiny bites, carefully separating each piece with a fork.

He knew why Chaegong had done it. Because no one had ever told him that things like this could always be bought again, so he should eat as much as he wanted. Because there had been no one smiling at him and saying to ask for anything, anytime.

Because Kwon Hyunjo had not said those words even once.

“……”

If he had smiled instead of getting angry and asking why he was acting like some beggar, would Lee Chaegong still be in this house? He could not know the answer, so Hyunjo simply kept his mouth shut.

That predawn hour was truly the worst. Hyunjo, retching into the toilet bowl, came out of the bathroom with a pale face. He lay curled up on the sofa, breathing in short, rattling breaths as his stomach continued to churn.

It had been a long time since he had felt this sick, an alpha with a stronger body than a beta or an omega. Before he manifested as an alpha, he had been sick so often. When another wave of nausea rose, Hyunjo sprang up and ran to the bathroom. After another round of retching, tears from the strain had already gathered at the corners of his eyes. Hyunjo returned to the sofa on unsteady feet and lay down again without even thinking to wipe them away.

Lee Chaegong’s hobby was watching TV. The face he made while sitting on the sofa, staring so intently at the TV screen he looked ready to fall into it, was so funny that even if Hyunjo watched him for a long time, Chaegong usually did not notice his gaze. He would watch wild animals, restaurants discovered by traveling all over the country, dramas, and more, with his round eyes widened even rounder.

Maybe because this was where he had spent so much time? The faint floral scent lingered more strongly here than anywhere else in the house. Hyunjo turned his head without thinking and buried his face into the sofa. He held back his pheromones with all his strength, afraid they might swallow up that delicate scent, and breathed it in.

Hyunjo knew. It was only at the beginning that Chaegong failed to notice his gaze, and lately he had been so busy watching Hyunjo’s expression that he could not even properly watch his favorite programs.

Until now, Hyunjo had easily raised his hand at the smallest things. There was no reason. Was it because he had been born violent, or because he had seen and learned that way? Or was it both?