He readily admitted to having slept in the hallway of someone else’s apartment. I had heard the sound of the elevator arriving before I fell asleep and assumed he was leaving, but had he really been waiting outside all night? Why on earth? If he was confident enough to guess the passcode, he could have just come inside and slept.

Then, it occurred to me belatedly that I was the one who had chased him away. Too many things had happened in a single day, and my thoughts were a jumbled mess.

“I heard screaming, so I came in.” Kang Euihyun frowned as he looked down at the blood stained towel. He checked his wristwatch and cast a steady gaze at the doctor, who still hadn’t appeared at the bedside.

“If I hadn’t screamed, were you planning to spend the whole night out there?”

“I was going to leave after seeing you wake up.”

“Do you have that much free time?”

Kang Euihyun turned his head toward me. A flash of irritability crossed his face. It had been a long time since I’d seen the process of his patience wearing thin so clearly on the surface.

“Don’t be sarcastic. I’m being patient enough.”

I shut my mouth instantly. While I could act out and be bratty in front of him, my specialty was knowing exactly where the line was. I had almost crossed it just now. Because my emotions had been fluctuating relentlessly since my parents’ anniversary, I had become reckless.

Finally, the doctor and nurse remembered my existence. When they unwrapped the towel soaked in blood, the sole of my foot, which had stopped bleeding while I waited, was revealed. Once the saline solution washed away the surrounding bloodstains, the long vertical cut looked more bearable than I had expected.

“If possible, try not to put too much weight on your left foot. And be careful not to let water get in when you shower.”

For all the fuss of rushing to the emergency room, the treatment ended quickly. All they did was apply medical adhesive and prescribe antibiotics. With an awkward expression, I pushed myself up.

“Get on my back.” 

Kang Euihyun lowered himself, offering his back.

His shoulders, looking reliable as always, filled my vision. Until yesterday, I would have hopped on without hesitation, but now my pride blocked my desire. Just as there were patients more urgent than me in this ER, I had a different priority from now on.

“You don’t have shoes anyway.” Kang Euihyun pulled my hand and guided it to wrap around his neck.

Reluctantly, I entrusted my body to his back. Just this once. Once I got home, I would change the passcode again and ignore him at campus. No matter what happened at home, I would not call Kang Euihyun. Even if something happened that landed me in the ER again, absolutely not.

And also… I should hurry up and start dating Han Jio.

As I crammed that last sentence into my head, a reflexive sense of rejection surged. What a pampered sentiment. Kang Euihyun was walking around campus hugging another woman, yet I was still failing to tend to my own wretched heart.

His ear was right before my eyes. I wanted to bite that handsome ear. I wanted to lash out and ask why he didn’t just go home instead of waiting outside for hours, making me feel so unsettled.

“You jerk…”

In the end, the words escaped. Since my lips were pressed close to his ear, there was no way he didn’t hear, yet Kang Euihyun silently paid the hospital bill and put me in the passenger seat.

As we left the hospital, the sky had brightened. Cars heading to work early in the morning were already beginning to fill the roads. Cutting through the traffic, his car didn’t head toward my house but crossed the Seongsu Bridge. His house was in that direction.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m going home to pack some things.”

“What things?”

“Clothes and whatnot. I can’t keep stealing Dokyeom’s clothes every day.”

No way. I looked at the driver’s seat in disbelief.

“I’ll use Dokyeom’s room for a while.”

“Are you saying you’re going to live there?”

“For a while.”

“Why?”

My heart hammered so fast it felt like my ribs were aching. Whether it was anxiety or anticipation, even I, the owner of these emotions, couldn’t identify it.

“You said your mother disappears when I’m there. I’ll stay at your house for a few days, so let’s check and see.”

“I told you to mind your own business.”

“Then are you just going to keep getting hurt like this? How many times have I seen this happen, and you want me to just stand by and do nothing?”

Kang Euihyun’s voice rose. It wasn’t common for him to raise his voice like this, so I was suddenly frightened. Without realizing it, I gripped the seatbelt tightly with both hands.

“First it was a cup, this time it was a knife and a pot. What do you think it’ll be next time?”

Kang Euihyun caught his breath as he entered a neighborhood of detached houses.

“Neither rituals nor talismans work, but it’s fine if I’m at your house. Then I should be there.”

“So how long are you going to live at my house?” 

I asked listlessly, staring at the vein popping on his forehead.

“I’m not living there forever. What’s the harm in staying for a few days?”

I wasn’t trying to nitpick. If Kang Euihyun stayed at my house, I was the one who would be grateful. If a living, breathing person, rather than my dead mother, became my housemate, I would want for nothing. I just wanted to be realistic. His method was nothing more than a superficial, temporary fix.

“Just wait a bit.” 

Having regained his composure, Kang Euihyun spoke calmly. 

“I’ll find a way while staying there.”

It felt exactly like it did during my parents’ funeral. While I was flustered, without any room to process my grief, Kang Euihyun had rushed over from his classes. Seeing him standing across the threshold, the strength left my legs. I pushed myself up from the verge of collapsing to approach him and clutch his clothes tightly, begging him not to go anywhere, to please stay here.

Three years ago, I pretended to be grown, and now I actually am an adult, but I was no different from then. It was pathetic and desperate that I still couldn’t solve a single one of my own problems and had to lean on someone who wasn’t even family. I had decided to stop liking him, but my hand was still gripping the fabric of his clothes. It was entirely my fault that this connection remained so tenacious.

***

When we returned home, the first thing that caught my eye was the kitchen knife lying under the sofa. The knife, stained with my blood, was so eerie that it was hard to look at. As soon as Kang Euihyun entered the house, he picked up the knife and put it in the sink.

“Get some sleep.” 

Kang Euihyun returned to the entrance to help me.

I shook my head. It was the last weekend before exams; I couldn’t waste it on sleep.

“Then do you want to wash up?” It was a trivial question, but a sudden tension shot through my shoulders.

I rejected his hand and limped into the bathroom alone. He followed me, seemingly tireless.

“I’ll wrap your foot in plastic wrap. Wait.” 

Since I didn’t want the wound to get infected either, I sat on the edge of the bathtub and waited for him.

He returned quickly with the wrap and knelt on one knee before me. It was fascinating how he didn’t hesitate for a second, placing his knee on the dry bathroom floor. Doesn’t he have any pride after being told to get lost and chased away?

“I’ll need to buy more wrap.” Because he had wrapped my left foot so meticulously, he had used up all the remaining wrap.

I gazed up at Kang Euihyun as he stood up. Following him with my eyes was a habit, meaning nothing, but he seemed to think otherwise.

“Is there anything else I can help with?”

“No, I’m fine.”

I was about to answer rudely with a “Forget it,” but I changed my expression to be more polite. Thinking about it calmly, Kang Euihyun had done nothing wrong. The fact that he hugged Jeong Sujin didn’t mean he had wronged me. Rather, my one sided crush was the unwelcome guest in their slowly progressing romance. What I needed to do was not take my temper out on him, but clearly recognize my position and let go of my feelings.

“Leave your clothes outside. I’ll run the laundry.”

“Okay.”

After letting him out, I struggled to wash up in an awkward posture. As I poured warm water over my head, I tried my best not to think of my mother or Kang Euihyun. Everything was going well until I stepped out from under the shower and looked at the towel rack with a bewildered face.

I hadn’t brought a change of clothes.

If I were alone at home, I could have just dashed into my room, but right now, Kang Euihyun was walking around outside the door. Peeking slightly through the gap, the clothes I had worn all day yesterday and left out were already gone. I peeked out with only my eyes, waiting for him to notice me. No matter how shameless I was, it was too embarrassing to shout “Oppa!” in this state.

Before long, Kang Euihyun stepped out of Yoo Dokyeom’s room and locked eyes with me. As he tried to approach, I quickly closed the door.

“What is it?” 

A low voice came from right outside the door.

“Some pajamas…”

“Wait.”

The sound of receding footsteps followed. Waiting for him naked in the hazy steam, I was plagued by the feeling that I had become a girl clumsily trying to flirt, one of those low class types who, having nothing to use as a weapon, throws their bare body at someone just like everyone else. Ever since Kang Euihyun got Jeong Sujin, my pride and self esteem were being shattered like this.

Shortly after, there was a knock, as Kang Euihyun knocked on the bathroom door. I raised my voice through the door separating us.

“Just leave them.”

There was no answer. Had he already left? I carefully turned the doorknob I had been gripping tightly. What caught my gaze immediately upon looking down was not clothes, but his bare feet.

“Don’t put weight on your left foot. Sit down and change.” 

Through the slightly open gap in the door, he personally handed me the pajamas. 

“I’ll take the wrap off for you.”